I stared!

I couldn’t help myself. From across the event’s large, crowded room, I saw something and someone that made me do it. I stared.

I stared as a caregiver lifted a feeding tube up into the air in the midst of the crowd and, right in front of the guests all around, offered nourishment to his patient. He poured the canned formula down into the tube so it would flow immediately into the patient’s body. That scene stopped me short as I waited in the buffet food line because I suddenly remembered offering that exact same act of care in crowded rooms just like this one to our son, Robert, on more than one occasion. However, it had been ten years, and I had almost forgotten how critical this was in his life. I remembered in that moment, and I stopped moving forward in the line … and I stared.

And I felt something.

I am not sure if I can describe it. It was as if I wanted to applaud. I wanted to stop for a minute, focus a spotlight on the caregiver, and show respect for him and the person with disabilities in the wheelchair. Of course, I knew better, and I didn’t do that. But I wanted to do it while others were lifting their utensils to enjoy their dinner.

Recognizing the critical things caregivers do on a minute-by-minute and hour-by-hour basis is necessary to understand some of their responsibilities, even if you can’t stop to actually applaud. Most caregivers would rather not draw that kind of attention to themselves, anyway.

Following this event, and as I recently enjoyed the company of a wonderful group of moms who are caregivers now or have been at some time in their lives, I further reflected at home. I had posed a question to several of the caregivers I know:

“What is your greatest joy and greatest hardship on your caregiving journey?

Their answers moved me to share them with you. A mom wrote:

“One event that was both joyful and heartbreaking at the same time has to be when we got tickets to see the TS (Taylor Swift) Red concert. Sarah was going to be able to see her favorite singer and our family, and two other families were going to the concert together. The problem was that Sarah had a PET scan a few days before the concert, and it indicated that her cancer had returned. My husband and I decided to not reveal this to our daughter until after the concert weekend. It was extremely hard to fully enjoy the experience when you're holding onto devastating news and the uncertainty of child mortality.”

Another shared:

“Greatest Joy: being with Chloe. I love her so much and she is fun! We have a true bond that is incredibly special to me.

Greatest Hardship: this special needs life. It is just a hard life. I couldn’t come up with just one thing that is a greater hardship than others. There are many aspects to this life that all together make this a hard life.”

These two moms answered my question and confirmed what I expect most caregivers would describe. Their caregiving journeys require them to do things that are sometimes incredibly joyful and, at other times, cause them to dig deep to do the hard things. Whether it is feeding a patient or loved one in a crowded room; holding back the revelation of a difficult diagnosis; or performing an entire list of difficult things on a daily basis; caregiving requires compassion and wisdom.

So I do want to stare, and recognize, and applaud you. Thank you for doing the things that provide life for another human being. You are cherished.

Listening Library: “Good Job” (Alicia Keys)

https://youtu.be/8FvrGuPBq1I?si=lx7Irl_oIHSEZMTH

Good Job

You're the engine that makes all things go

And you're always in disguise, my hero

I see your light in the dark

Smile in my face when we all know it's hard There's no way to ever pay you back

Bless your heart, know I love you for that

Honest and selfless

I don't know if this helps it, but

Good job

You're doing a good job, a good job

You're doing a good job

Don't get too down

The world needs you now

Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

You're doing a good job, a good job

You're doing a good job

Don't get too down

The world needs you now

Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

Six in the morning

And soon as you walk through that door

Everyone needs you again

The world's out of order

It's not as sound when you're not around

All day on your feet, hard to

Keep that energy, I know

When it feels like the end of the road

You don't let go

You just press forward

You're the engine that makes all things go

Always in disguise, my hero

I see a light in the dark

Smile in my face when we all know it's hard

There is no way to ever pay you back

Bless your heart, know I love you for that

Honest and selfless

I don't know if this helps it but

Good job

You're doing a good job, a good job (Good job)

You're doing a good job

Don't get too down

The world needs you now

Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

(Yeah, that's a good job)

You're doing a good job, a good job (Good job)

You're doing a good job

Don't get too down

The world needs you now

Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

The mothers, the fathers, the teachers that reach us

Strangers to friends that show up in the end

From the bottom to the top, the listeners that hear us

This for you, you make me fearless

You're doing a good job, a good job (Oh)

You're doing a good job

Don't get too down

The world needs you now

Know that you matter, matter, matter, yeah

Songwriters: Kasseem Dean, Terius Youngdell Nash,

Alicia J. Augello-cook, Avery Jerome William Chambliss

Good Job lyrics © Universal Music Corp., Universal Tunes,

Avenue Beatz Music, Lellow Prod. Inc.