by Chris Henderson
We spent so much time praying that God would heal our son, Robert, and free him of his terrible illness. We wondered why would God allow him to suffer so much. Like so many other parents, we asked, “Why won’t God heal him?” There were no answers.
We later began to understand that his condition was, in fact, a genetic condition. It was only after he passed away, that we had the complete genetic report that revealed he had a sporadic (one-of-a-kind) set of mutations that could not be passed on and had not originated in parental chromosomes. He had been created uniquely.
This should not have surprised me. We all accept the fact that we are formed in our mothers’ wombs—a one-of-a-kind combination of chromosomes that manifest to form a UNIQUE human being. Even identical twins with the exact same chromosomal makeup present with physical and personality differences, no matter how similar they appear.
Robert had not contracted some infectious or inflammatory disease, or had some form of trauma that injured his brain. He was created Robert—unique, complex, whole. He was a representation of God’s glory and God’s character—so complex, so beyond my understanding or comprehension. He was indeed that. His love was unconditional; his acceptance was complete. His trust was unwavering. His forgiveness was complete. I did not deserve him, the same way I do not deserve God’s love. This was and is God’s grace completely revealed to me.
In retrospect, it’s so easy to see what God did in our lives through Robert. In the midst of the struggle, it was not so easy. Anytime we see someone whose future seems stolen from them, we feel helplessness, and anger. We want our plans and dreams to be fulfilled in those we love. In the end, I accepted the blessings of the Lord I received through my son the same way I accepted the blessings I received from each of my children—each UNIQUE—special, revealing aspects of God’s love and character that I would have missed in their absence. I miss Robert daily, the same way I miss talking to all my children now that they have flown the coop. Speaking to them is like water to a thirsty man. I just wish I could talk to Robert, too.
Robert did not have a disease or condition to be cured. He was exactly as God created him to be—genetically unique.
Listening Library: Jireh (Elevation Worship & Maverick City Music)
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.” (Psalm 139:13-18 ESV)
I’ll never be more loved Than I am right now Wasn’t holding you up So there’s nothing I can do To let you down Doesn’t take a trophy To make you proud I’ll never be more loved Than I am right now
Going through a storm But I won’t go down I hear your voice Carried in the rhythm Of the wind to call me out You would cross an ocean So I wouldn’t drown You’ve never been closer Than you are right now
Jireh, You are enough Jireh, You are enough I will be content In every circumstance Jireh, You are enough
I don’t wanna forget How I feel right now On the mountain top I can see so clear what it’s all about Stay by my side When the sun goes down I don’t wanna forget How I feel right now
I’m already loved, I’m already chosen I know who I am I know what you’ve spoken I’m already loved, More than I could imagine And that is enough
If he dresses the lilies With beauty and splendor How much more will he clothe you How much more Will he clothe you If he watches over every sparrow How much more does he love you How much more Does he love you
More than you ask Think or imagine According to His power Working in us It’s more than enough
Songwriters: Chandler Moore, Christopher Joel Brown, Naomi Raine, Steven Furtick
Jireh lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Essential Music Publishing