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What were you thinking?

  • Writer: Chris Henderson
    Chris Henderson
  • Jun 11
  • 6 min read

Father’s Day 2025 


Of course, Juli asked that I write something for Father’s Day. It’s difficult when you live in a home with someone who is always planning or writing, and you’re just sitting there, minding your own business, reading a book or watching television (or both). At some point, you know they’ll look your way and assess the relative laziness of your actions, compare that to their activity and wonder why you get off so easy.

 

Okay; more seriously, she did ask me to write, and I hope you can endure more musings from the guy, the dad … on the couch.

 

I’ve always been the guy who enjoys the idea of Father’s Day, appreciating the one day where your kids can tell you what a great dad you’ve been! Why? Because many of us can only remember the times and events where we feel like we’ve failed in tangible and intangible ways. It’s kind of like Impostor Syndrome, right? We get these cards and maybe even a gift or two, but you know that what they really like is Mother’s Day because, often, it’s been Mom there in the pinch, rescuing them from innumerable catastrophes and troubles.

 

Don’t get me wrong — I love my kids and love helping them in any way I can. But honestly, unless you’re a single dad, you know that Mom is the first choice, and you’re the backup. It’s like that very true statement; when a dad says he’s thinking about nothing, he’s telling the truth.

 

But Mom? Oh my God! She’s always planning the party four months away while simultaneously considering what new clothes the kids need; setting up the carpool for next week; and stirring stew on the stove. Meanwhile, I’m still sitting over on the couch thinking about … nothing. Okay, that’s not totally true, but it’s true enough that I’m just thankful there is a Father’s Day at all.

 

So, thanks to all the moms who let us have one day a year to pretend that our kids need us. Because, whether we realize it or not, it is true. Our children do need us. They need our love, support, understanding, advice, direction, perspective, and dedication.

 

There are times in my life when I awake from thinking about nothing and am brought back into the reality of my life. Recently, we were at the home of friends and a certain song began to play on their music system (again, me with the songs!). Suddenly and unwillingly, emotions rushed in on me and overwhelmed me.

 

The thoughts were two-fold: first, I remembered that this song was one on an album that had been the soundtrack for one of the most eventful and challenging times of our lives —  full of overwhelming doctor and hospital visits; kids at new schools; racing around to numerous sports and extracurricular activities; as well as stressful work and ministry functions. Memories quickly raced through my mind, uninvited, yet immensely impactful and strangely tangible. The resultant emotions were in control, and some of those emotions involved shame for not being present when I felt I should have been there.

 

Second, were the memories of being in the car with my kids and those songs playing; the joy of hearing them sing these songs (after exclaiming: “Not again!”) that were indescribably important and supportive for my heart and thinking that there was something of me being implanted in them. Memories of my daughter, Jessica, and I on long drives to take her to and from her regional orchestra practices. Memories of times together with each of my children where I belonged to them and they belonged to me.

 

That is what momentarily overwhelmed me last week, and I have continued in that state for many days. I believe that God chose that moment to remind me of what is profoundly important in life — not accomplishments or awards; not recognition or wealth; but the legacy that is built on the relationships we have with our families, especially our children.

 

If you have fractured relationships with your children, or if you don’t have children, I don’t mean to exclude you. Children become adults and make choices we cannot control, but we choose to love them no matter what. Often, there are opportunities to serve in parental ways with others, mentoring and teaching people placed in our path to be in relationship with us, where we can give of ourselves. It is not just what we share with others where value is derived but, most often, it is that we choose to share ourselves. “See me as I am, with all my warts and imperfections, but know that I care about you.”

 

Seated in that chair at our friends’ house, I experienced the overwhelming gift of recognizing that I have known and loved five incredible people, watching them develop from infancy to adulthood. Even the knowledge of losing one of those remarkable five is irreplaceable, changing and shaping me in ways I could have never imagined. It is breathtaking for me. Being a dad is not rewarding because you are a dad, but because those people, after knowing who you are, choose to love you anyway.

 

So, maybe this year on Father’s Day I’ll get some cool (and funny) cards, maybe even a gift. Don’t get me wrong, I will gladly receive them (and revisit them over the next few months). But honestly, I realize that I already received my gift. To love, and to be loved; to give, and to see that those you gave to continue to pay that gift forward to others — that gift of love and legacy is THE thing.

 

The next time I tell you I’m thinking about nothing, I’ll actually be thinking about my kids. And that’s okay.

 

Listening Library: “A Fathers Song” (Allen Stone)

 

A Fathers Song

I see you on the kitchen floor

Three weeks past the age of four

Will you remember this

There's so much that I'd like to say

Cause someday you'll push me away

And leave your innocence

Your father's father loved in his own way,

We had our moments but he would always say

 

I will fail but always try

And I will do wrong things and apologize

And show you what it's like to forgive

I'll give you space but never leave,

And be your safe place for you to grieve

When you get lost please remember this

A fathers love knows where you live

 

I see your arm around someone

The salt and sugar of young loveI do remember this

A heart can break a thousand ways

There's wisdom in the scars we make

And time will heal the rest

I'm just a father who's learning his own way

All I can offer is exactly what my daddy would say

I will fail but always try

I will do wrong things and apologize

And show you what it's like to forgive

I give you space but never leaveAnd be your safe place for you to grieve

When you get lost please remember this

A fathers love knows where you live

 

And I will do my best

To not cushion every fall

Even though my heart tells me to save you from it all

There will be tears and jealousy

There will be loss and victory

But when your daddy's gone

I hope that you will see

 

That I failed but always tried

I did some wrong things and apologized

And showed you what it's like to forgive

I gave you space but wouldn't leave

'm still a safe place for you to grieve

When you get lost please remember this

 

That I failed but always tried

I did some wrong things and apologized

And showed you what it's like to forgive

I gave you space but wouldn't leave

I'm still a safe place for you to grieve

When you get lost please remember this

A fathers love knows where you live

Knows where you live

 

Songwriters: William Hort Mann, Allen Nathan Stone

A Fathers Song lyrics © Stickystones Publishing, Budde Music Publishing Gmbh,

Turtle Feather Stories, Turtle Feather Songs

3 Comments

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Guest
Jun 11
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Beautiful

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Heidi
Jun 11
Rated 5 out of 5 stars.

Always beautifully written. Thank you for sharing!

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Juli Henderson
Juli Henderson
Jun 11
Replying to

Thank you, Heidi. Chris is a deep thinker and writer. I love when he allows me to push him to write for the blog!

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